Why Behavioral In-Congruence Destroys Presence

Coach G stepped up to the microphone to introduce himself to the parents of his newly chosen lacrosse team. The gathering was more than a meet-and-greet. It was a mandatory meeting to get parents up to speed about the non-negotiable terms of their kids’ participation on his team.

This coach was well known in area lacrosse circles. He had established programs in towns where there had been none. He had coached at college and high school levels. He had officiated many a game and worked at lacrosse camps. His love of the sport seemed heartfelt, and his experience was deep. He was credible. He had command. And when he asked for attention, he got it.

After introductory remarks, Coach G proceeded to list his expectations of every player. Much of the information was standard fare regarding commitment, attendance, scheduling, and grades. Most striking, though, was his statement that he’d rather train an “athlete with less skill who had heart” instead of an “athlete with superior talent who had attitude.”

His words were profound, and his message was inspirational. He seemed like the kind of coach who could not only refine skills but who could also cultivate respectable athletes—and maybe even, reform the ones with excessive bravado.

Great. Right?

Well, what happened to this poised gentleman at the microphone when his feet hit the field?

That same guy paced, pointed and barked his way up and down the sideline. He played the same kids and denied many “who had heart” any significant turf-time. He screamed at referees. He threw clipboards. He scolded, ranted and pitched fits. His conduct was unbecoming of a coach, or anyone for that matter. He lost the respect of his players and the allegiance of their parents. In fact, he bred contempt.

Emerson says, “Your actions speak so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.”

Coach G makes a case for the importance of “behavioral congruence”—a phrase that means “there is consistency between the goals, values, and attitudes projected and the actual behavior observed.”*

No matter who you are, a discrepancy between what you say and what you do is a credibility crusher. If words and promises do not match the behavior that follows, then the presence acquired early-on will evaporate.

Be wary of articulate smoke-and-mirrors and empty promises. Contradictory behavior will ultimately erode their integrity and neutralize the potential for a captivating presence.

*N, Pam MS. (April 7, 2013) Behavioral Congruence. Psychology Dictionary. Retrieved January 20, 2020, from https://psychologydictionary.org/behavioral-congruence/