Presence Lessons from a Hockey Mom in the Locker Room

A true story about Presence Intelligence™ Founder Lisa Manyoky and her son Jess….

Not even halfway into the 2012 season, my son’s U18AA ice hockey team was falling apart. Contrasts in player personalities made team bonding a tough proposition. Lack of cohesion was eroding performance with a vengeance. Then, the assistant coach unceremoniously quit.

Morale tanked to an all-time low, and losses began adding up. As the season progressed, the boys looked beaten even before skates hit the ice. Then, when they did, shots were off. Speed was compromised. Collaboration was in short supply. Game play was flat.

It was tough to watch.

Finally, I reached a point where I couldn’t sit by any longer without trying something—anything—to improve results. I’d coached mindset as it related to business for years. As a seasoned athlete myself, I knew that the techniques used to improve performance in the boardroom were applicable in the locker room. Why not give the boys a chance to learn about the power of their minds then, when they desperately needed the lesson?

So, after yet one more loss, I approached the coach and asked if I could spend 15 minutes with the team in the locker room before the next game. I had only one caveat: that all the boys were dressed. The coach looked at me, not quite sure what I could contribute that would make much of a difference, if any. But I knew those kids needed a shot in the arm of something new. And I was willing to give it.

The coach was spent, so he agreed. The next morning, I waited outside the locker room until I got the thumbs up that all pants were on. What a sight when I walked in! The boys were seated on the bench in full dress, shoulders heavy with the expectation of another loss.

I asked: “Are you guys tired of losing yet? Because I’m tired of watching you lose. I think it’s time to try something new. Don’t you?”

Of course, they agreed. The boys all knew me as their teammate’s mom, but they didn’t know the rest of my story. I explained that I was a lifelong athlete who played soccer year-round from the time I was 12 through college; ran track to keep in shape for soccer; played softball for 4 years; and that I was a 2nd degree black belt in tae kwon do at the time. I also explained that I was a coach, but one who coaches from the neck up.

I gained instant credibility. The boys were a captive audience. I told them real-life examples of professional teams that turned around from rock-bottom statistics because they used a mantra to keep their heads in the game. A mantra is a combination of a short phrase, a specific gesture and a deep breath. It helps harness and restore focus in high-pressure situations.

I taught the boys the power of a mantra and how even that day, with limited practice, it would make a difference in the way they played. We thought of a few right there: “On my stick. Out of our zone. In the other net. In my glove.”

Fifteen minutes of a new voice, a fresh outlook and easy-to-implement strategies delivered an unrecognizable team to the ice. They were sharp, awake and on point. And they won. The captains sought me out as they came off the ice, offering me an imaginary game puck. The coach offered me a seat on the bench. No thanks, however, I did agree to address the team for the rest of the season. They tied or won all but two remaining games: one when I didn’t get the “all-pants-on” alert to head into the locker room, and the other when they chose to close the season with fun on the ice instead of pursuit of a win (a hilariously good time). Even so, the overall recovery was remarkable.

For the record, I did ask my son in advance if he was OK with my plan. There is no question that a mother giving directions in her son’s locker room could have been embarrassing. But, trust in my contribution and a promise of change—coupled with poise, command and credibility to the core—gave motherhood a back seat to expertise and inspiration.

Confidence inspires confidence. Trust breeds more of the same. Enthusiasm is infectious. 

“Invisibles” have the power to shape perception and behavior. Never underestimate their strength, for they will find a way to show up as something you can see and experience, for better or worse.